Friday, 27 February 2009

Stick a tail on the calendar

The weekend is finally here, time to relax, chill out, enjoy the rugby, eat chocolate and drink wine!

Nothing to report on the website, they have been working on it all day, not sure what they are doing as we can't see any of it, but they are doing something and still on it now.

Dad had an email regarding schedules again, this time it will be completed April 7th. Skater boy No1 didn't mention the year, but let's hope its 2009 hey!

Twenty days ago it was eighteen days to completion, now its over a month away. In saying that though, the days he has said doesn't match up with his finally figure, so who really knows what date his has in mind, could have closed his eyes and stick a tail on a calendar and that was the day he thought he would go with for now....

No explanation has been given as to what has happened to the last 20 days, did they just do nothing? Why has it taken them so long to complete nothing?

Nothing has be explained about the launch page, this hasn't been included in the schedule, so am I to take it we are no longer having one? Bloody good job it wasn't finished back in January, people would have registered and died of waiting for the website!

Well I could go on moaning about them, but then I would sound like my dad and I can't have that.

I hear my wine calling me, wanting to be poured by me, drunk by me, enjoyed by me.

Thursday, 26 February 2009

Slight improvement!

Further checks have been made on the website today, regarding the auction/bidding part. Dad managed to put one auction on, only the idiot set it for March the 26th not February 26th. His old age is really starting to show now!

Once again, he put the auction on, this time with the correct info. The clock started five minutes before it should have, and even started counting down before one of us, had even hit the bid now button. When the clock counter did start counting down, not only did it go, 53,52,49,48,45,44,43,41, but it also went, 53,52,55,51,50,48,48,46, just great, they have managed to make it worse than it was yesterday.

I won that auction, so we decided to set up another one. This time it was a camera. Auction started again, five minutes sooner than it should have, only this time, the clock started, but we couldn't bid. So it counted down to 0 and no one won it!

All closed auctions go onto the winners page in the right place now, rather than anywhere, however even if they haven't been won, they still go there, taking the name and price won from the last auction using a camera. Dad has won 13 cameras now!

I did a check on the pre launch page, registration still work, however I cant refer a friend anymore, this could mean one of two things. One they are putting the email in place to confirm, before registration, or, two, they have screwed somethings up. Let's up it's number one for my own sanity!

Nothing more to report, other than, skater boy No 1 has predicted completion in 19 days time, yer right, I don't think so.

Dad is missing his neighbour, She has been studying hard again for her exam, which she is due to take soon. Let's hope this time she passes, I have more than enough proof, that he now needs locking up!

Because of this, she hasn't been seen all week, My mum has seen her, which leads me to believe, she is just hiding from dad, after all, she is suffering enough with studying, why would anyone want to darken their day further by spending anytime with grumpy, unless he has wine to ease the pain of it all! lol

Friday tomorrow, we are hoping auction errors are rectified, so we can run further tests, we hope to run two or more auctions tomorrow and have three people bidding. Mum will want to have a go, however, she hasn't wanted to help with the hard parts, so she isn't going to work with the fun part either. No pain, no gain!

Wednesday, 25 February 2009

I have won!

Today, I have won, 500 free bids, 25 free bids, could have won a laptop, £1000 cash, £200 cash and a camera, but the auctions went on then finished just like that for some god forsaken reason!

Grumpy and I did some testing on what they said was done with the website so far. Obviously this is the auction part, due to my wonderful winning spree. When you start an auction in the database, due to the fact no auction has an ID number, once; an auction of a canon camera has been on once, it will never be able to be on again. So, thus being, as soon as you input the information, and set it to go live, the auction will go live and then jump to the ended auction page on the winner's site.

If only this was the only problem. When we have managed to get an auction to go live and start without ending straight away, we incur a different problem. An auction has a time and date in which to start. He shouldn't start until the date and time match and then someone places a bid and then the auction time should start to countdown.

Not in our case. Our auctions start at the right time and date, however, instead of waiting for someone to bid, the timer starts counting down, not from the time state at three minutes, but from 10 seconds instead!

Once the auction has been won, the auction should move to the winner's page, at the top, on the left. Again not in our case, we get to the winners page, only instead of being at the top, on the left; we are two lines down and at the end. People shouldn't have to hunt to find the latest winner.

Is it all doom and gloom I hear you ask?

No some aspects work. You can wait for the last second before hitting bid and it is counted. Order of bids and bidders are correct, the countdown timer seems to work better for me, than for dad. Mine countdown, was a bit sticky in places, dad however found it to miss numbers and jump, although we stayed within the same time span.

Mum hasn't taken any interest in the website up until now, mainly due to the fact, she doesn't understand how these things work, Mum like simple things and things simple. She will now be pleased as punch when she finds out she can now hit buttons. She will be begging for bid credits, and bidding away, competing against herself, till her little heart's content. Very simple like that, doesn't take much to please the old woman!

Pre launch page, is still a long way off in the distance, I think it has launched into the Atlantic and set sail, probably never to be seen again. By their calculations, and my crappy predictions, I think it could be mid June before we see the finished website, and the pre launch would have sunk somewhere in the Pacific!

Monday, 23 February 2009

Have I been to kind with my predictions?

Another Monday over, I believe I may have been to kind in my predictions, they are worse than I predicted!

I thought dad would get his updates and maybe the skater boys would email dad with something. Well he did get his updates, which were expected Thursday and they didn't tell him anything at all, well they did, but nothing that made any sense to our website and considering he was working on it Thursday, Friday and Saturday, we were expecting quite a lot, however it looked about an hour's worth of work, if that!

I don't wish to undermine him as I'm no web developer, but I thought he would have achieved more than that. OK, he could be working behind the scenes on things we can't see, but there isn't any truth in that either.

He has informed us; he will continue working on option one auction and now start two and three as well. Wouldn't it be better to get option one finished first, before screwing up the second two?

I have come up with a list of Meta tags for keywords and description, let's hope at some point when I send it; they have no problems understanding where it's meant to go. If I know, then so should he!

Skater boys emailed at 5.23pm, not far out, saying things have been delayed due to the launch page, however, nothing has been done with the launch page, so, what have they been doing?

Website is still many moons away and as for the pre launch page, I shall move my predicted pre launch date of next week, to Friday of the following, even then I'm unsure if I'm being optimistic!

On a bright note, the weather was good today and I managed to get my washing dry, which was lovely. I have already pre stocked fridge with wine, as dad started moaning this afternoon, earlier than predicted. May have to book an appointment with the doc for some Valium.

Oh well, there is always tomorrow.

Sunday, 22 February 2009


Weekly predictions, I have been pondering for a few minutes and my predictions are as follows:

Monday, dad will finally receive the updates he's been waiting for, since Thursday of last week. He may also receive an email from skater boy No1 & No2, probably telling him nothing at all, or something he already knows.

Tuesday. website will not be half way to completion, let along completed today. Neither will the launch page be ready to go. Dad will email to ask about the website and the pre launch page, but will hear nothing.

Wednesday at midday, we will receive an email saying, pre launch page is ready and they need the other emails. These will be sorted out on Wednesday and sent back ASAP.

Thursday, Skater boy No2 will get the emails sorted, by now I will have gone and got wine, to cope with the calls from grumpy!

Friday, Pre launch page will be ready, but we won't get email until 5.53pm, delaying launch until at least 5.26pm Monday. Dad and I will run tests to make sure everything is right with the site, None will be found for a change.

I'm sure throughout the week, I may well pick up more predictions, but for now that's it.

Saturday, 21 February 2009

Glass of wine anyone?

Woke up at 9.30am today nice to do that, rather than 7am. I did a bit of retail therapy, lunch, then a trip to see grumpy.  

Grumpy wasn't a happy bunny today, as the work he had done last night has gone. He reckons, he saved it as he went along, only to find this morning it's no longer on his PC, not anywhere!

Now I reckon, He kept hitting the save button, but didn't at any point save the file anywhere. In doing this, some how, he wasn't prompted to save it and shut down, thus losing everything. He says otherwise, but he would, wouldn't he!

He now has a long road ahead of him

I checked my google analytics late last night, only to find it now works. Me and dad did a test on the pre launch page to make sure it was working and my eyes weren't deceiving me and yes, my analytics picked up two visitors. Only the map overlay tells me the visits came from two places, two places we don't live anywhere near. When I say near, these places were over 100 miles away.

As much as google is great and it's free, I know the information it's giving me, isn't completely correct. Bit of a bummer from a marketing point of view, as I'm unsure if the popularity of my visits are really where people are coming from.

I have mentioned this to dad, so he's going to look into an analytic package for us. Well for me, not something we shall rush out and get, but shall do at some point. If anyone has any recommendations please let me know, always good to have some comparisons.

I shall be doing my predictions for the week that lay ahead, tomorrow. Be interesting to see if I'm as spot on as this week. 

Dad hasn't received any updates since Thursday, shall have to wait until Monday now. Nothing seems to have changed about the website or pre launch page since Tuesday, although they could be working behind the site, at things we can't see.

Not a lot planned for this evening. Have a large glass of vino in hand, plus some chocolate brownies that are to die for, when heated and served with ice cream and chocolate sauce. Yum, yum think I might have to have two pieces!


Friday, 20 February 2009

I love it when I'm right

Well it is the weekend and as predicted, the launch page is still in sleep mode and isn't going anywhere!

Skater boy No1 has requested some information about my google analytics, I don't know why, I sent the information they required for tracking January the 8th and even then I did it twice. Any how, they should now have the information they require, so I will need to change my passwords again.

They are sorting out the tracking code for the website too, so I shall have everything track able under the same account. Lets just hope it doesn't take them that long to sort it out. I want it to work first time, not 31st time.

Website is meant to be live and ready to go on the 24th, which is next Tuesday. Did I forget to mentioned I saw a pig and her piglets flying over my house this afternoon!

Not a lot planned for the weekend. Saturday, lay in till 9am, bit of pampering, before a trip out for lunch, a drink, then a movie, will have to check the guide first. Tonight I think a large glass of vino is in order, not sure what is for tea, really not in the mood for cooking.

Haven't had a rock out night in a while, so might have a play with world tour. Just hope my eyes can take the pain, I know my ears can!

Grumpy is sorting out products for the website. I gave him a nice long list, which he informed me, will take three days to sort out, that will keep him nice and busy for a while. Hopefully my phone wont ring, my dads neighbour will have a lovely and peaceful weekend, mum is away till Saturday afternoon, so all in all, harmony will bless us for a short period, until his presences is known again by all.

If the weather is good this weekend, maybe the skater boys will be out playing hard, before working hard again on Monday morning, if only I knew this theory to be true!

Thursday, 19 February 2009

Sore fingertips

As expected, the over uses of fingertip movement from the skater boys yesterday, has proven too be to much for them. They now have their full list of what we see needs to be done, in order of completion. Could well be the case, that we have missed something out, but we aren't here to do it all for them.

Have been out and about in my car today, but unlike yesterday, I'm no longer driving around like puff the magic dragon. Hopefully, my car was just having an off day and needed to clear some cobwebs!

We have booked the tickets, hotel, parking, and arranged travel insurance. The weekend is confirmed, a girly weekend away, can't wait, just need to save some spending money (dad this is a hint if your reading)!

One more day until the weekend. Launch page, might go live on Monday, then my predictions will be correct. I will have to start calling myself mystic and give my weekly predictions on the progression of the site. If it comes true, I shall have to consider a career change in business predictions, could make myself a small fortune. Oh is life was so easy.......

Wednesday, 18 February 2009

Could it of been the magpie?

I set out on my journey this morning and along the way spotted a magpie, I looked for a second, but could only see the one. I'm quite a superstitious, person and would normally salute the magpie, however due to the fact I was smoking and going round a roundabout, I couldn't.

Oh how I wished I had.......

On my way home this afternoon, I looked at the rear view mirror, only not to be able to see out the back window. At first I thought, god its foggy back there, then thought, don't be daft, must be coming from the car behind, but it was soon clear, it was in fact coming from my car through the exhaust pipe!

The smoke soon cleared and I kept checking the rear view mirror, for further signs of smoke. Within a mile, like puff the magic dragon, there was more, it wasn't continuous, just puffs of smoke every now and then. 3 times, in 6 miles until I got home. It was like my car was having a fag!

I have since taken the car to the garage to get checked over, only to be told, yes there is smoke coming out the car, but they will need to run some tests to see what the problem is. Next week, it's booked in to have pipes cleaned and an engine flush. This could fix the problem; however, it could be something far worse, which could involve loads of work and loads of money. Just great. I really feel like shooting the magpie, I know this is all down to him!

When the garage owner said leave it with me for a while, I will have a look at it. I thought that's what they would do, not tell me something I already knew, hence why I went to them. Men, do they really think all women drivers are stupid, why did he have to confirm there really was smoke coming out of my car?

My gimmicks are now finished and should get put on the pre launch page asap. I have seen them on a mock launch page and I'm pleased with the overall look.

My predictions could be coming true now after all. The pre launch page has encountered more problems, which will probably delay the launch until Monday now. Let's stick with the seeing is believing method!

Something that is a shocking fact today, dad has received 13 emails from the Skater boys. Nine have come from Skater boy No2 & four from skater boy No2. All this before 4.30pm, may even be time for one more before they go home.

Tuesday, 17 February 2009

Could they blow my predictions?

Dad has received three emails today from the website company! Are they finally pulling their fingers out, could they want to hurry up and get rid of dad as a client, or could it be, they follow my blog and want to blow my predictions of the schedule for this week?

The emails that have gone back and forth today, claim the pre launch page will go live on Thursday of this week, yes that right, this week!

Seem that the list of errors dad put to them, are being fixed and not only that, but tested too. I just hope all this work and effort on their part, hasn't killed them and require them to take the day off tomorrow!

My gimmicks are now finished and I should be able to see them on the pre launch page before it goes live, just not sure when that will be though.

I want to get excited and think the end could soon be here, but I think that would be getting carried away, The 24th is only a week away, would be lovely to think, it could be done and we can move onto other things, I have so much in place to do, but cant do anything until at least the pre launch site is live. So until then I shall have to continue with the seeing is believing method instead of excitement, as this only leads to a depressed mood of state and a sore head!

There is some sanity in this world though. In a few weeks time, a friend and I are jetting away for a weekend of girly fun. I cant wait. No computer, no dad, no work, no daughter of darkness and hopefully not a lot of phone reception, unless my other half wishes to contact me, telling me to go wild in the shops and spend, spend

Maybe, as director of the company, I should just inform dad, I need to do this weekend away as part of business research, insuring him that at the end of the day, I want to do all I can to make this business work. The weekend will then be approved , I shall have a wicked weekend, then claim it all back as expenses. In the really world, dad will say, get stuffed!

Monday, 16 February 2009

My head hurts and there is a hole in the wall!

If you are keen followers, who like being bored to death by my blog, then you will know, Monday was claimed to be pre launch day. Claimed because Skater boy No1 & No2 thought they had done all the bug testing and it was ready to go. But of course dad and I knew otherwise.

Time has ticked away today, seconds, minutes, hours, morning past, afternoon came and slowly we drifted into the 5pm zone. At 5.40pm, going home time, we got an a email from skater boy N01.

He basically said, that dad's email on Friday didn't shed any light on what errors, bugs etc dad had found, but was only interested in what they (No1 & No2) had done. Can my dad as a client not ask these questions, when clearly he knows they're are bugs still awaiting to be fixed?

He also went on to say, that if dad was to be more helpful and inform him of what errors or bugs he had found, it would get things moving faster. If dad chooses not to, then he will only have himself to blame for the delay. (dad has told them of these errors weeks ago)

What a joke, it was only five minutes ago, he said, it wasn't down to us to do bug testing. Now he is telling us, he can't be arsed to do his job properly, so can we do it for him.

I'm not stupid, I know when you build a site, before it launches, it gets tested. Not by one or two people, but many. Each person may do something different to someone else, different errors/bugs will be found by different people. Plus the more people testing, helps to see if the site can work a little under pressure so to speak.

However what I cant get my head around, is that clearly they haven't done any testing at all. Sorry I take that back, they did register themselves. Surely if this is the sort of thing they do for a living, they should know how to run tests.

Dad has replied with this list of errors, which skater boy No1 will get tomorrow. Tuesday afternoon he will look at the mail, 5.30 he will reply, with " I will get on with it"

Wednesday morning he will pass the mail to the web developer to sort out. Thursday, the web developer will look at the mail. Friday, he might make a start on it. Friday at 5.30pm, we shall get an email, saying. Launch page should be ready to go on Monday.

I know I shouldn't presume like this, but I feel I have gotten to know them so well, that I can read them like a book. This will yet be another unproductive week behind us.

Just in case you had forgotten, next Tuesday, is website launch day. Can you see it, no neither can I. More chance of winning the lottery or seeing a pig flying.

Saturday, 14 February 2009

Valentine' s & Rugby Day!

Happy valentines day, hope you all got something nice and have enjoyed your day!

I have spent the day with friends, followed by England v Wales six nations rugby. I knew we weren't going to win, I just hoped we didn't get pulverised by them. In case you didn't see the game, we did lose 15/25. Was a good game, we scored two tries, one of which, was when we had someone in the sin bin. Wales only manged one.

We played a good game, made some silly mistake, which got two of our players in the sin bin and gave away to many penalties. Wales played well and had we not given away all the penalties that we did, then we would have won for sure. But no point dwelling, I shall await victory when we meet again next year!

Scotland lost against France today, looks like Scotland will be receiving the wooden spoon this

Friday, 13 February 2009

News flash!

Important news update. Just over twenty minutes ago, dad received an email from the website company stating:


Should I be excited, has something happened since the tests dad did this morning, which failed?

Simple answer no. Nothing has changed since this morning, other than the fact, skater boy No1 & No2, have registered themselves. Worked out they have registered and thought, yep, it works.

Did they check the database, no, did they refer properly, no, did they work their arses off this afternoon fully checking and testing, no, no, no, no and NO!

They have asked dad for any feedback he may have and if anything important arises to contact the web developer, so he can sort out errors. Lol. I laugh because, he has been informed of these errors and has known of these for weeks now. How many more times does he need to be told?

Secondly, should they in fact believe they have fully tested the site then surely they should no it doesn't work. They are the project managers, not us, it is their job to check, not ours. Why should we have to run checks after them, to make sure they have tested properly?

Dad has mailed them back, asking what tests have been taken, what bugs have been fixed and why have they only registered and not gone further by referring and checking the database?

So another Monday will soon be here and gone again, maybe another week will pass before we hear from them again with more false information, who knows...........

Another week over

Yet again Friday has come around and still no sign of a launch page, come to think about it, no sign of a email, informing us one way or another either!

We know we wont get a mail saying "its ready to go", as we have done some checks this morning and still the same things aren't working. Links take you somewhere to outer space, rather than where they're meant too. At the moment, you can get more points for referring, than Obama got in votes, plus the emails aren't correct.

If you think that's a joke, you can start an auction back in 1927, but after 2010, you will never be able to do another auction again! Looks like that's when the business is meant to end, that's of course if it ever gets going! But of course the main problem we have here at present, is the fact, that as soon as an auction is put on, it has ended, but still awaiting bidders, work that one out.

If I were to write a list of everything I know is wrong with the site so far, plus everything that is incomplete, it would take me till the 24th of February (same day the website is meant to be completed) to finish it. I also thing blogger would put a ban on my blog, for the length of time to make the posting and for boring my readers to

I used to be a happy, out going, bubbly person before I started working for dad. But since all the problems we've had, I'm turning into a negative, grumpy old bag who is starting to moan and become like Victor. I think I shall have to reconsider my position as director of the company, or demand a vacation to the Maldives for a few weeks, so I can return to my cheery normal self again.

My gimmicks are due to be finally completed on Monday. Not that we can do anything with them, until the pre launch page is ready.

Valentines day tomorrow, I'm spending the day watching rugby with friends, so romantic, hope you guys have a lovely valentines day too!

Thursday, 12 February 2009

Not in the mood

I don't really have anything to say today. I feel tired after a hard days work and a crap nights sleep! 

I went to bed last night dreaming of the website, every time I opened a link, I'm convinced I woke up and was trying to roll over. Must have been trying to help the pages turn! 

Guitar hero also has this effect on me. I go to sleep dreaming of buttons coming towards me at the speed of knots and I cant seem to play a note. I had to ban myself from playing after 7pm, or I would have a terrible nights sleep.

My plans for this evening are as follows, dinner, vino, nice hot bath, more vino, Dexter then bed, hopefully with a better nights sleep than last!

Wednesday, 11 February 2009

Never forward emails!

This afternoon dad got his daily email from the web developer with the latest updates. He opened it up, went through the five page document and was happy with everything he had seen, until he got to the bottom of page four!

It shocked him so much, he rang me and told me to check my emails, as he had forwarded the email onto me. I processed to open the mail and as I scrolled down, I could see questions, which below had the answers, which had been input in by the web developer. 

As I got to page four I too, was shocked at what I saw, see below:

I need both of you to please confirm if this is going to be possible. If there is an issue please let me know now and I will tell the client. We need to pull out all the stops to get this done though as it will (hopefully) keep him off our back for a while!

This was a comment made by skater boy No1 to the web developer and skater boy No2, regarding the launch page. I appreciate dad can be a pain and I'm sure skater boy No1 does feel that dad is on his case. However I feel dad has ever right to be.

At the beginning of this build, ten weeks ago, we were told by the web design company, that our launch page would take three weeks to do. Fair enough people cant be held to dates when building a website, so there has to be allowances, however we are now at week ten and we still don't have a launch page! Wouldn't you be writing emails asking questions about what is going on?

Secondly, skater boys No1 & No2 are project managers, They don't seem to be managing anything, dad has been doing all the update checks with the web developer, not them, they haven't run any tests on the site, nor have they come back with any questions directed to them to answer. Do they think, if they don't answer, dad will go away?

Dad emailed the director of the company regarding this email and attached it for him to read. Within a few minutes skater boy No1 replied, with an apology and informed dad it was his way of motivating his staff. 

Really! Well that may well be how he does things, but I know for sure it isn't something I would do to motivate staff, nor would I be stupid enough to forward any comment like that in a email for a client to see!

Tuesday, 10 February 2009

A slippery start to the day!

My day didn't get off to a very good start. Woke up this morning deaf in one ear, you will be pleased to know, full hearing has now resumed!

I then processed to get ready for my day, but not before burning my hand with the hair straighteners. I then thought to myself, could it get any worse, yes, I was off to my dads for the day!

As I opened the front door to leave, It was then I noticed the ice. So taking extra care, I locked the door and slowly, with handbag in one hand and laptop in other, I walked down the steps and yes, before you ask, I did made it to the bottom safely!

I remained safe until I went to take my next step! which took me sliding down the pathway, past my car, until I final stopped three doors down, legs apart, still clinging to laptop and hoping no one was watching me. I then somehow, in what I can only imagine must of looked like zombie type movements, made it to my car and left for dads. You will be pleased to hear I made it there safe and sound!

Before I go any further, I mentioned yesterday I was doing an online seminar, well I was wrong, its a webinar. Any how, 10am on the dot, it went ahead, 45 minutes I listened, watched and learnt absolutely shit all!

Now anyone who knows me, knows I'm no rocket scientist, nor am I a total dipstick, all of my knowledge on SEO, marketing, blogs, analytics etc, have all come from either researching the inter web, or friends. With his 15 years to my 2 months, I was really expecting to gain some wonderful knowledge from this man. Instead, if all he can tell me, is mind boggling stuff I already know, maybe I should call myself SEO expect and charge the earth for my knowledge!

My knowledge of wisdom to friends, if you are ever invited to go on a webinar, (you may not all get this, due to age), but; just switch off your PC sets and go home and do something less boring instead!

As for the gimmick, well we added them to the website yesterday for overall effect and noticed you cant read the text. So, some alterations have been made, I have updated designer skater boy of these and hopefully I should see something soon. Plus I should also get to see them on the launch page, Yipppeeee!

At least one area of this website is getting there, which is more than what can be said for the launch page, or the actual website itself. Been six days now and dad hasn't heard a thing regarding progress, it is meant to be finished on the 24th, 14days to go, more like 14 months at this pace.

We registered with google checkout and paypal today. Paypal was quite easy, however google checkout is a little more trying. We have both come to the conclusion, that google, is in fact bigger than space itself!, You can start on one page and within a few clicks your 30 miles away from where you first started.

Registering and confirming was the easy part to say the least. Trying to add the buttons we wanted was another story entirely. After banging my head against the table through frustration I couldn't take it any longer and dad got involved. I left him arguing with paypal on the phone over buttons, I believe this matter has now been resolved and is in dads capable hands to sort out.

One area that is a concern, is you have to do stuff to the HTML coding, which can take about an hour to do, according to paypal and google. For a normal people, yes it may well be, but in skater world, a different matter all together, we can add a few more hours to this easily!

For nearly six hours today I sat at my dads freezing my tits off, it was so cold! Two wood burning stoves are in their house and not one of them was on, not even the central heating! I had to rub my hands together to keep warm. At one point I thought I was smoking, but then I realised it was just my breath.

I'm home now, all warm and cosy. I have a friend who always complains my house is cold, should you ever complain again, I shall send you to my parents house to stay, then you will know what cold is!

Monday, 9 February 2009

Gimmick Day!

As promised by designer skater boy, I got my gimmicks. It now has two hands instead of one, is set the way I want it too and overall I'm happy with it. Dad however isn't. 

Dad feels some of the text isn't right and now thinks it may be to small and people wont be able to see it. We also have a bit of a debate over which one will be used. We had four designed, two in one colour and two in another. I shall have to give in and go with dad or I shall never hear the end of it.

As for the progression of the website, there is no progression, so I have nothing to report. I know dad emailed the director of the company over the weekend, with the concerns he has over the project management, we are still awaiting a reply, lets hope he is not also the director of the skate park, or there will be no hope for us!

Tomorrow I have a seminar to go to, well I say go to, its online, so I shall be sat in the comfort of my own home. Dad booked me in, to listen to someone talk about SEO for 45 minutes. It could be the most exciting, knowledgeable 45 minutes of my life, or it could turn out to be as exciting as waiting for paint to dry!

Either way, I'm sure I shall learn something tomorrow, even if its only how to adjust the volume on my laptop!

Dad set daughter of darkness her homework last night, however, he cant open the file she has sent him, useless man!


Sunday, 8 February 2009

Not many people seem ready!

Thank you to the few people who gave me their interpretation on what they felt "ready" meant to them. As I said, I have posted them below, so you can have a read.

In the meantime I would like to point out, that I know a few people read this blog, however, none of you seemed "ready" to give your opinion, therefore I shall just have to assume you agree with lovely little me. Lol.

  1. Ready means ready now, no more waiting
  2. Agreed with example one and three, felt partner would think she was mad, if said dinner was done and she hadn't put the oven on
  3. Ready from a woman's point of view, restaurant booked for 8pm, journey 8 miles, husband calls, are you ready, wife replies yes. Few minutes later, husband stick head round the bathroom door, to see, so called ready wife, getting in the bath
  4. If you want to know what the meaning of ready is, ask a woman for the answer! 
  5. Ready means, if are in a running race and someone says, ready, it means get ready, not go, or now. 
  6. Ready means, I expect it to be done, now!
Well there you have it, you can draw your own conclusions, as I have mine, here goes.

  1. This one was from a female, who has a brain and I couldn't agree with you more!
  2. Again another female with a brain, on the same wave length as me, who I too would think bonkers, if no dinner was there!
  3. I know some woman can be slow and aren't always ready when they say they are, I have a friend like this, (you know who you are) however I think this was a quote from a man, not of female mind, like trying to portray!
  4. At first, you might be led to believe this was from a female, but sadly not, written by a man, who quite obviously couldn't live without us females!
  5. This was quoted by a 10 year old, bless them! Might not be the interpretation I was looking for, but hey, their interpretation was right for them!
  6. Finally a man with some common sense, on the same wave length as me and also has it down to a T. My five year old nephew!
Back to the grindstone tomorrow for me, not for my daughter though, my dad has decided to get her involved now and has given her "homework". Homework comes as a bit of a shocking word to my daughter, as she very rarely gets any from school. 

Dad wants my daughter to put a flyer together advertising the company. I haven't given her this delightful news, as she is currently out with friends, neither am I going to, I shall just tell her to ring her grandad and he can break it to her. I think he believes, that in asking a young child to do this, it will get it done quicker, than if he were to ask designer skater boy to do it and he would probably be right.

I am expecting to see the finished gimmicks tomorrow, please, oh please let them be right now, I  cant wait many more weeks, I've been waiting six now!

Saturday, 7 February 2009


What is the meaning of the word ready?

Tonight I'm going to put it to you, my blog readers, to answer this question for me. You can either leave a comment on here, my facebook wall, or better still on my facebook blog page.(you will find a link to this on my profile page on facebook, under my friends) Or you can think, sod it and not bother at all!

I'm going to give you four examples of what I think ready means, one for female minds, one for male. Lets see if you agree, or if in fact you disagree with me. See it as a bit of a for or against the skater boys meaning of the word ready!

Example one

Daughter of darkness, your dinner is ready. Daughter of darkness comes into the kitchen, picks up her plate, goes to the table, sits down and eats her dinner.

Example two

"Daughter of darkness", your dinner is ready. Daughter of darkness comes into the kitchen, looks at the kitchen worktop and says "where is it", looks at me, in the teenager darkness glare she gives, waiting for a reply.

I'm just putting the oven on now!

Example three

You receive a phone call, "your car is ready to collect", says the garage. "Your brakes have been done". You arrive at the garage, pay the man, take your car and drive away happy.

Example four

You receive a phone call, "your car is ready to collect", says the garage. "Your brakes have been done". You arrive at the garage, pay the man, but as you go to collect your car, you see your wheels aren't on and it's still jacked up. Do you call this ready?

Now call me bonkers, but surely, if you agree "ready" is example one or three, then you and I are on the same wave length.

However, should you feel example two or four is your idea of ready, then lets hope you aren't employed to be working on the Olympic stadium for 2012!

All answers to the meaning of the word ready will be posted on my blog, so that everyone may get an insight, into what "ready" really means!

Friday, 6 February 2009

He is off again!

I don't have anything to report regarding the website development, as nothing has happened!

Grumpy wanted me to post his reply to his neighbours comments, so instead of me boring you tonight, I thought I would let him do it instead, so off he goes........

Having just read through the latest pile of waffle from the Old bat who I have the misfortune of calling my neighbour, I did at first believe I should refrain from further comment as it is now abundantly clear, to anyone with half a brain, her poor state of mind confirms she is no longer capable of taking onboard, reasoned, well thought out argument, and that for me to persist, might add to the poor woman's demise.

NOW THERE'S A THOUGHT!!! So with that in mind I have decided it would be best for all concerned (namely me, the Village, the county and indeed, probably our Prime Minister) that I should take the time to respond.

Fortunately I am writing this response via a Blog and will therefore be dealing with people who can read and almost assuredly see sense.

So what indeed can I comment? Well for starters, her comment re Victor Meldrew simply confirms this poor, mentally deranged woman is living away with the fairies, somewhere back in an age long since past. Maybe someone should inform her the world has moved on from old comedies such as those she refers too and most of us now live in what we term "present day" Then again, should I be the one to suggest she stops renting out episodes of Dad's Army??

I shall desist from explaining to her what "present day" means as this would only further confuse her already addled state of mind.

Next, her point I had written (according to her) 1,196 words.

What can I say??? If all she can do with her time is COUNT WORDS on a computer....Is there anything to say??? Surely now you can all see the truth. We all need to act now and ensure her incarceration happens sooner, rather than later for her own good. At least then she will no longer have to count words. Locked in her own padded room she will be able to chat with the fairies who I am sure will frequent her mind on a regular basis......Well that is until even they see they are fighting a lost cause.

She then of course moves on to spout more verbal hogwash about my working away in London, which of course further adds to the argument for her need to seek professional help. Why so? The answer to my working away for so long and for so often is simple.....It was to escape the horrors of living next door to this mad woman and her zoological garden.

Then I ought to deal with her points about my daughter being the one doing all the work for this site.

Puuhhhleeese. I am more than aware of the few little pieces of work my daughter is doing for me, just as I am aware her reward is having me as a father.... I rather think this woman should concern herself about her own offspring, one of whom lived in such fear, he went to live in PERU. Her daughters however have yet to manage to escape and it is these poor waifs I worry for most.

I dread to think of the household dietary plan but given this mad woman decided years ago to force her own vegetarian beliefs on them, I fear much of their menu will consist of nuts, scattered over wheat grain.

Finally I ought to comment on her "basket weaving" statement.

Quite frankly, if the mood ever took me, I am certain I'd be more than capable of making a basket or two......Where I fall down however, is having a BASKET CASE as a neighbour.....and the sooner you readers help me find a secure home for her.......the sooner this once quiet Village can begin to return to normal


The Ever suffering Neighbour of the year 2001 - 2009

Thursday, 5 February 2009

Why, why, why?

Well I did the test last night, and no shock horror, it didn't bloody work. I knew it wouldn't!

This pleased dad no end, plus to top it off, for some god forsaken reason, all the emails have gone wrong, dates, ID number, times, plus emails used to go into my inbox, now they go into my spam box, with more warning signs over them, than the M25 on Monday!

This is not the only delight dad had. As I'm sure you know, we have a management system in place, which allows us to input information into the website, change things, see users and a whole list of other things. The functionally of it all, is dog SxxT!

Yes you can login in and log out, you can see all the tabs which all have different functions and you can also see new people register (test registrations). Think about adding anything in, setting anything up and you think yes its working (or not in some cases), its great. You finish what you have done, go check out the website and it looks like a piece of modern art or someone who has been sick!

Everything moves, shifts, disappears, comes back in gobble DE gook, or simple doesn't even look like it has anything to do with the website.

The final straw came late last night when I got an email about 9pm. It was from designer skater boy replying to my last email of problems regarding the gimmick. He told me he will have it done by Monday, however I shall have to input the coding for the money amounts into HTML, not him. I have lots of money amounts, requiring, I guess, different types of code for each one.

If I could do HTML, PHP, AJAX, Java or any other bloody coding language,would I have asked him to do this in the first place?

As part of our website, we also wanted an area where people could ask questions seek answers etc. We have explained where on the site we want it, what we want it to look like, how we want it to function etc.

We heard back from them and as part of the email they gave us a link to the type of forum they had it mind, so we had some kind of visual idea. What a joke that was. The link took me to a site that was the size of a small country and they had no chance or ever getting the first page done this year, let alone the rest of it. I think the schedule would go something like

Launch page February 24th 2009
Website April 1st 2009
Forum November 29th 2012

So there you have it! not a lot has happened today, we aren't going to be launching this week, nor next at this rate.

Any how I thought I would leave you with an email I received from my dads neighbour in view of his email a few days ago, nice to end on a funny note, rather than me moaning again!

Dear Adel

Well, there we are, now your bloggers can see the miserable old git for what he really is....... Victor Meldrew. Who, but your father and my neighbour (and Victor) could write a 1,196 harangue of verbal diarrhoea. Your poor bloggers must now realize what we have to endure and surely there must be concerns that this man (loose term) could be in the process of developing dealgrabba!!!

I'm sure that it must be you doing all the research and preparation for this project, as it takes intelligence and wherewithal, which is sadly lacking in the father/neighbour; as indeed is his mental capacity. I can only hope that he is providing you with significant remuneration. I really think that you should take this development completely out of his hands, and whilst I understand he does need Occupational Therapy, he could do this in a safer way, possibly by taking up basket weaving .

The Most Excellent Neighbour

Wednesday, 4 February 2009


Firstly I would like to point out my dad has always told me I bring nothing but delight to his life, secondly he has to think something more of me than fifteen seconds of euphoria, as it is only me helping him get this site going, not my mother, sisters or brothers, but just lovely little me, the brains of the family!

On behalf of myself and all my blog readers who tuned in yesterday, for the cat fight on here, between my dad and his neighbour, Go, Go neighbour, we are all behind you!

Well as you know its Wednesday, not just any old Wednesday, but gimmick day Wednesday. That right, today is the day I finally get to see it completed, I've waited a week, so he must of been working hard at it!

Well it arrived, not one gimmick, not two, not even four, but six little gimmicks set out holding either cards or bags. Six stupidly looking gimmicks, with not a lot right about any of them!

Were they mirrored? No! Was all their clothing in checked pattern? No! Was the bag now fixed? No, had this designer skater boy spent anytime what so ever on this design? No!

And so the list of No's goes on and on! I sent an email back to him explaining the errors, and also gave him a design to show him what I meant, will this help, probably not, but unless I do the design myself, what else can I do?

I have explained myself as clearly, as I would if asking four year olds to paint me a tree, sky, sun and grass. If my local nursery group can understand it, why cant a graphic designer? I know I'm female and people say us species are from Mars or Venus, but surely to god, I'm not talking in some strange alien language am I?

As for the website, well, we have received an email saying the schedule date is now the 24th of February. Like that's going to happen. We were told the launch page was ready over a month ago. Is it launched, but another No! It has taken a month to get a gimmick sorted and even that isn't ready yet.

He also goes on to mention, this date could get delayed if WE make any further changes, WE haven't made any bloody changes, just told them of the errors THEY had made and if they looked at the spec, they can see this clearly for themselves!

Honestly when I was a child, I used to watch the Muppet show, I loved that program. Can you remember the chicken? Well that was more human, had more common sense and could probably do this a dame sight quicker than these guys! (no disrespect to the Muppet's)

I have yet to run some tests on the launch page, to see if it is finally doing what it is meant to do. I shall be conducting this exciting test, this evening and should it work, I shall crack open a can of coke to celebrate! The champagne has been on ice for so long now, it has frozen!

Marketing campaigns keep coming in thick and fast from radio and online people, I have contacted regarding exposure. Would be so nice to give them a date and not feel like I'm messing them around, but I cant.

Well, things to do, so I cant stay on here moaning all night, shall have a moan with dad, when my test goes pear shaped later!

Tuesday, 3 February 2009

A long ongoing message from grumpy!

I am sure the readers of this blog must think me an Angel at the very least must be incredulous at how I have managed to suffer a continuous tirade of unwarranted abuse, in complete silence.

Not any more!! The time is now long overdue for the innocent party here to express his point of view about this, the Dealgrabba blog and the many spurious comments and remarks which have been made about a much maligned individual.....many of which by "My own daughter"!!!!

Of course that is not forgetting a viciously vindictive, OLD neighbour who quite frankly shouldn't be sitting exams in order to assess our poor old folk, but should herself be a case study of a more dedicated, more worthy assessor who will have earned his vocation and no doubt will NOT have failed some tinpot exam several times.......

Firstly my daughter, who foremost, needs to take on board, were it not for fifteen seconds of euphoria, would not now be here..... Secondly that I have patiently suffered and yes...tolerated years and years of abject misery raising said ungrateful child until, at last I was able to evict said child and return the home to some kind of normality. Quite frankly, I am amazed the years of patience and kindness I have shown her are now being repaid by her attempts to blight my excellent character and name. It truly does astound me, and indeed it goes way beyond my capacity for forgiveness.

But of course, what was my hope for a return to simple family life within a tranquil village, was all in vain!!! I will only assume, somewhere in a previous life, I must have trodden on an ant or some such creature for little did I know my problems had only just begun.

Enter the neighbour from hell!!!!

The woman, as you will have ascertained from reading her comments, is completely deranged and should long before arriving in this peaceful village, have been wrapped in a straight jacket and confined to live out her days in a 6 x 4 padded cell.

Had I known, all those years ago before we moved to this village, one day the neighbouring, scenically beautiful garden would become first, little more than an overgrown peat bog then second, home to the counties first unruly animal sanctuary for any ill mannered, wayward waifs and strays, I would have moved to Yorkshire!!!!

Now I know there will be those of you out there who yourselves have experienced "bad" neighbours, and to you kindred spirit all I ask is you consider this. Multiply your "bad" neighbour experience by a factor of ONE THOUSAND and you will still be light years short of the mark where MY "BAD" neighbour is concerned. Indeed, by way of comparison, Hannibal Lecter or Attila the Hun would be two preferred choices!

As I say, the woman is deranged to the point, medical help would no longer be of any viable use. Indeed it would be an insult to science to consider using it on such a woman.

Yes, I am sorry to say it would be in her best interests to locate said padded cell, complete with padded coat and live out her days being fed water and placebos through a metal grill, thereby allowing this once peaceful village to begin its attempt at returning to something like normality.

And what indeed is normal?? It's been so long now I have almost forgotten.

I do remember a time when it was possible to wake up of a weekend morning and listen to the quiet, peaceful sounds of a typical country, English, village together with the scent of fresh cut meadow wafting through the open windows.

Nowadays, from 0530 onwards, it is as much as I can do to stifle the screams and crowing of cockerels by lying with my head beneath several the forlorn hope perchance the local fox will pay them a visit!

Then of course, once the cockerels have finished, albeit temporarily and I start to believe there is the slightest chance of five minutes more sleep, the raucous squawks and quacking of a flotilla of ducks commences, each one I assume demanding its pathetic allowance of grain. I tell you oh reader.......the noise of said mentioned ducks would put the Slimbridge Wildfowl Sanctuary to shame!!!

But you see, it isn't simply the noise. If this in itself wasn't bad enough, the "lake" which purports to serve as home to this variety of roast dinner, is a sight to behold.
Of course the term "lake" is something of an exaggeration. The smell alone is enough to suggest to any sane individual it could never sustain life! Indeed if there ever were any fish they would have packed their fins and vacated long ago. Then again, history leads us to believe mankind originated from the primeval swamp and I do suppose it's possible this is the reason my neighbour from hell is continually adding water, all of course to no avail for it simply overflows onto my property thereby necessitating my having to use waders!!!

Now. Does my neighbour care when I point out this little detail? Not for a moment, indeed the last time I happened to mention the lake had doubled in size, flooding half of MY garden during the entire day she was out, it was to be told...."Why didn't you enter the garden and turn off the water supply".....If there was so much as a hint of a spoken apology it would have been lost amongst the squawking ducks and crowing roosters!!!

Then let's not forget there are the dogs. Now all who know me understand I am a lover of dogs. But hers??? Quite frankly, though I am aware of the fact all dogs are descended from the Wolf, in most cases the connection tends to go back hundreds if not thousands of years.

NOT MY NEIGHBOURS!!! From the way they howl each and every time so much as a sparrow lands in her garden you'd be forgiven for thinking their immediate parentage was 100% Canadian Timber WOLF....and as I have chanced to mention before, if this intolerable noise wasn't bad enough, the fact she has individually trained them to leap the fence at least twice a day, just to deposit their poor excuse for a meal all over my Wimbledon style lawn is surely beyond what any reasonable person should have to suffer.

So regular readers of this blog I ask of you but two things. The first, is you take no further notice of the diatribe which all too often spurts from her lips, so much indeed it has now begun to invade this blog.

The second is to mention, in the next few days I will place a petition on here requesting you all to sign in order this very ill, very deranged, very society challenged woman is committed into a home more suited to her mindset for the good of the community, once and for all and that we may all then begin to re-build our once peaceful lives

Kindest regards from a much misunderstood, oft maligned father and long suffering neighbour

A response to the pictures today!

Dear Adel,

I feel I have to write to you and formally complain about your father's ongoing belligerent behaviour and his general antagonism towards me and the wonderful animals I have in my garden. My ducks, hens and dogs would give any 'normal' person great pleasure, however, as we are both aware, your father is far from normal!

This problem has increased since he stopped working in London (I use that term loosely as I don't imagine he has ever done a proper days work in his life), when he just lived in the village from Thursday till Sunday.

I really think that you should consider your mothers needs and the impact his permanence has had on her now that she no longer gets respite. That poor long suffering woman who has to both tolerate and care for him really should have a carers assessment to ensure she receives the necessary support, indeed she could be referred to the 'carers of the belligerent old sods support group'. I try to help her as much as I can in that I endure him coming round to my house and give him coffee (this helps his medication to slip down more easily), and I do this without payment.

I would respectfully ask that you contain your father in his own home or some appropriate institution (I can help with that when I pass my exam). However, as I am also forced to contact the RSPCA and alert them to his total disregard for animals ~ I have the copy of my defaced photo as evidence, the likely outcome of this is that he will be incarcerated into the care of Her Majesty.

This would be the best result for all. Please take my complain seriously.

Yours sincerely,

The Excellent Most Caring Good Neighbour

Enjoying the snow!

My dad's next door neighbour, went into the garden this morning to take some pictures of her ducks, enjoying the snow! She fell over in the process, however dad wasn't there to laugh at her expense!

She thought it would be nice to send him a picture, which he then forwarded onto me. So I thought I would post it for all to see.

However it didn't stop there and dad being dad had to make a few amendments! You can now see, why we all feel the way we do about him, cant you!

Evil Man!

Monday, 2 February 2009

And the UK grinds to a halt!

A Little bit of snow and the UK comes to a near stand still! What are we like as a country? Could you imagine if Canada or America went into a state of panic or a grinding halt every time they got a bit of snow? They wouldn't leave the house for six months of the year!

My daughter came home from school early today, because some snow was falling from the sky and bus drives worried they may not make it.What rubbish, I have managed to get everywhere today, no problems at all.

However I did see a woman in a 4x4 today, looking worried about a bit of snow. I have a matchbox car for Christ sake, if I can do, why are you looking so bloody worried. Your car is designed for this weather, not just for taking the kids to school in!

Honestly some people!

I do wonder and I'm sure I'm right in saying, is it that we aren't ready for this weather because we have never had it before, or because most of our transport systems are run by men? We have known of this weather front for a while now, but have we prepared, have we f.......

Same thing goes for the website company, nothing has been heard from them today. Skater boy may or may not be off ill, designer skate boy may or may not be in, or the building could of been crushed by all the snow we have had.

They told us they would be in touch on Monday to let us know when the launch page was going live and to give us all the updates. Yet again it is nearly 5pm and we haven't heard a thing!

Either way, we are expected to guess how the updates are going, hope the launch page is now ready (which we know isn't) and hope the errors have been rectified.

I don't expect to hear from them everyday with regards to updates etc, but when you have outstanding questions to be answered, and deadlines, which aren't working, you expect answers.

God I'm starting to sound like my dad, shoot me now! lol

On a more happy note, I have some friends who I've known for a couple of years now. They are doing a round of treatment today, which hopefully may lead to the pitter patter of tiny feet. I would like to let you know, I have been thinking about you today and wish you all my sticky thoughts!

Happy Ground Hog day America!

Sunday, 1 February 2009

A relaxing weekend

I have enjoyed this weekend, due to the fact that I haven't really done a lot, which is great and makes a change!

There is only one thing left to fix on the launch page and then it will be really to go, hopefully next week! We are only three weeks behind, or is that 4?

As for the website, we are getting there slowly. Dad hasn't heard anything from the skater boys, however the website developer is doing stuff over the weekend and has been keeping dad informed of new developments.

I should get to see the finished gimmicks next week, but I'm not going to hold my breath, I've only been waiting over a month!

Some sad news to report. My dads wonderful neighbour didn't pass her exam. Had she of done, she would now be able to section my dad under the mental health act. However me and mum are still holding out hope as she is due to sit another exam soon!

Go, go neighbour, we know you can do it! Just remember the hot tub is your once you pass, the ducks will love it!

In the meantime, should you need anything to help you with your studies, like wine or gin, obviously for medicinal purposes, feel free to place your order with my mother, who will in turn go to tesco's for you and then invoice my dad! lol