Tuesday, 3 February 2009

A long ongoing message from grumpy!

I am sure the readers of this blog must think me an Angel at the very least must be incredulous at how I have managed to suffer a continuous tirade of unwarranted abuse, in complete silence.

Not any more!! The time is now long overdue for the innocent party here to express his point of view about this, the Dealgrabba blog and the many spurious comments and remarks which have been made about a much maligned individual.....many of which by "My own daughter"!!!!

Of course that is not forgetting a viciously vindictive, OLD neighbour who quite frankly shouldn't be sitting exams in order to assess our poor old folk, but should herself be a case study of a more dedicated, more worthy assessor who will have earned his vocation and no doubt will NOT have failed some tinpot exam several times.......

Firstly my daughter, who foremost, needs to take on board, were it not for fifteen seconds of euphoria, would not now be here..... Secondly that I have patiently suffered and yes...tolerated years and years of abject misery raising said ungrateful child until, at last I was able to evict said child and return the home to some kind of normality. Quite frankly, I am amazed the years of patience and kindness I have shown her are now being repaid by her attempts to blight my excellent character and name. It truly does astound me, and indeed it goes way beyond my capacity for forgiveness.

But of course, what was my hope for a return to simple family life within a tranquil village, was all in vain!!! I will only assume, somewhere in a previous life, I must have trodden on an ant or some such creature for little did I know my problems had only just begun.

Enter the neighbour from hell!!!!

The woman, as you will have ascertained from reading her comments, is completely deranged and should long before arriving in this peaceful village, have been wrapped in a straight jacket and confined to live out her days in a 6 x 4 padded cell.

Had I known, all those years ago before we moved to this village, one day the neighbouring, scenically beautiful garden would become first, little more than an overgrown peat bog then second, home to the counties first unruly animal sanctuary for any ill mannered, wayward waifs and strays, I would have moved to Yorkshire!!!!

Now I know there will be those of you out there who yourselves have experienced "bad" neighbours, and to you kindred spirit all I ask is you consider this. Multiply your "bad" neighbour experience by a factor of ONE THOUSAND and you will still be light years short of the mark where MY "BAD" neighbour is concerned. Indeed, by way of comparison, Hannibal Lecter or Attila the Hun would be two preferred choices!

As I say, the woman is deranged to the point, medical help would no longer be of any viable use. Indeed it would be an insult to science to consider using it on such a woman.

Yes, I am sorry to say it would be in her best interests to locate said padded cell, complete with padded coat and live out her days being fed water and placebos through a metal grill, thereby allowing this once peaceful village to begin its attempt at returning to something like normality.

And what indeed is normal?? It's been so long now I have almost forgotten.

I do remember a time when it was possible to wake up of a weekend morning and listen to the quiet, peaceful sounds of a typical country, English, village together with the scent of fresh cut meadow wafting through the open windows.

Nowadays, from 0530 onwards, it is as much as I can do to stifle the screams and crowing of cockerels by lying with my head beneath several pillows..in the forlorn hope perchance the local fox will pay them a visit!

Then of course, once the cockerels have finished, albeit temporarily and I start to believe there is the slightest chance of five minutes more sleep, the raucous squawks and quacking of a flotilla of ducks commences, each one I assume demanding its pathetic allowance of grain. I tell you oh reader.......the noise of said mentioned ducks would put the Slimbridge Wildfowl Sanctuary to shame!!!

But you see, it isn't simply the noise. If this in itself wasn't bad enough, the "lake" which purports to serve as home to this variety of roast dinner, is a sight to behold.
Of course the term "lake" is something of an exaggeration. The smell alone is enough to suggest to any sane individual it could never sustain life! Indeed if there ever were any fish they would have packed their fins and vacated long ago. Then again, history leads us to believe mankind originated from the primeval swamp and I do suppose it's possible this is the reason my neighbour from hell is continually adding water, all of course to no avail for it simply overflows onto my property thereby necessitating my having to use waders!!!

Now. Does my neighbour care when I point out this little detail? Not for a moment, indeed the last time I happened to mention the lake had doubled in size, flooding half of MY garden during the entire day she was out, it was to be told...."Why didn't you enter the garden and turn off the water supply".....If there was so much as a hint of a spoken apology it would have been lost amongst the squawking ducks and crowing roosters!!!

Then let's not forget there are the dogs. Now all who know me understand I am a lover of dogs. But hers??? Quite frankly, though I am aware of the fact all dogs are descended from the Wolf, in most cases the connection tends to go back hundreds if not thousands of years.

NOT MY NEIGHBOURS!!! From the way they howl each and every time so much as a sparrow lands in her garden you'd be forgiven for thinking their immediate parentage was 100% Canadian Timber WOLF....and as I have chanced to mention before, if this intolerable noise wasn't bad enough, the fact she has individually trained them to leap the fence at least twice a day, just to deposit their poor excuse for a meal all over my Wimbledon style lawn is surely beyond what any reasonable person should have to suffer.

So regular readers of this blog I ask of you but two things. The first, is you take no further notice of the diatribe which all too often spurts from her lips, so much indeed it has now begun to invade this blog.

The second is to mention, in the next few days I will place a petition on here requesting you all to sign in order this very ill, very deranged, very society challenged woman is committed into a home more suited to her mindset for the good of the community, once and for all and that we may all then begin to re-build our once peaceful lives

Kindest regards from a much misunderstood, oft maligned father and long suffering neighbour

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